Elevator Creeps

At the building where I work downtown, the rent is cheap and there are creeps aplenty.

There are two "creep zones" where one is apt to encounter the building creeps: in the elevator or in the bathroom.

The ladies in my office and I try to avoid creep encounters by going to the bathroom in packs. (There is not a bathroom on every floor.) Yesterday though, I had to go it alone. My ride down the elevator to the bathroom was fine, but I encountered a building creep while waiting for the elevator on the way back to my floor.

"When's the last time you went dancing?" said the creep.

"Uh, not for awhile," I said.

"Why not?" said the creep.

"Um, I've been really busy doing other stuff," I said.

"Oh. Well I was going to go last weekend up on Lincoln, but I was tired and I didn't have anyone to go with," said the creep.

"Oh. Well, bye," I said and got off the elevator.

I've had more than one conversation like this in the office elevator. Not about dancing, but some elevator creep will start a random conversation with a weirdo topic far removed from the acceptable elevator pleasantries. Acceptable elevator talk includes the following declarative statements:

• "It's rainy today."
• "It's Monday."
• "Someone got stuck in the elevator yesterday."
• "Why don't these goddam elevators ever work?"

When someone starts a conversation outside of these norms, my strategy is to pretend like whatever the person says is perfectly normal, while also avoiding stating any personal information. I just pick up the conversation and then exit the elevator as soon as possible, hopefully not creeped out.