"Love Noises"

So, this is totally gross. Gramma, if you're reading this, you might want to stop here.

But, for a few weeks now, I have been hearing my neighbor's "love noises." Or, to be more specific, his girlfriend's. Most sexologists (?) talk about how couples have a routine in the bedroom. I'm here to tell you that this is true. And I wish I didn't know.

While living the apartment lifestyle, it is likely that you will hear someone's "love noises" at some point or another - your roommate's, your neighbor's - and like me, you'll probably wish you hadn't.

I have puzzled over how to deal with this problem, and I have thought of only one very passive-aggressive solution. I guess I could rent a few pornos and put them on the TV at full volume, and leave the house for several hours. It's just an idea.

Halloween and Squinty Eye

I was a tennis player for Halloween. A blonde tennis player, like Anna Kournikova. As part of my costume I said, "I model now." This picture is of my friend Megan and I. She went as a Christmas tree. We took this picture because we said that we both sometimes take pictures where one eye is slightly closed. My squinty eye is my left eye. Her squinty eye is her right eye.

In this picture, I borrowed Colonel Sander's mustache. But I had to give it back. These things happen on Halloween.