I ran into my downstairs neighbor today at the train stop. She is finishing grad school at the Art Institute and was talking about her job search. She went to a job fair in New York, where she said she interviewed with a lot of intimidating art people.
"You know, Orlan?" she asked.
"No," I said.
"Well, she reconstructed her face with plastic surgery and gave herself horns. Her hair is like 'Bride of Frankenstein'. And I sat across from her at the job fair and was all, 'I do landscapes.'" (She said this with total embarassment.)
I said, "Well, it sounds like it was hard to take her seriously!"
I should have said: "It sounds like you dodged a bullet!"
Another friend of mine recently (around X-mas) was arrested for biking with a keg while he was dressed up like Santa. And, he's Jewish.
Enough said about that.
Finally, I broke my Frankenstomach frankenfast of two days without coffee. I realized that I was just too out of it without the caffeine. However, I decided that I'm not allowed to drink coffee on the train. I spilled on my pants (dry clean only), my sweater (white), and my fake zebra skin iPod cover. Mostly, I was concerned about the fake zebra skin - you can't wash that shit! But much to my surprise, fake zebra skin absorbs coffee without a trace. Who knew? Note to self: incorporate more fake zebra skin into polyester-stocked party wardrobe.
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