December Stream of Consciousness

These are excerpts from a letter I wrote to a friend:

1. I love my car. I've been driving it all around town. The first week I had it, I had the first full week of good night's sleep since I moved here. I'm not kidding. I've felt so much anxiety and some of that lifted just from having a car again. I've dreamed about Snoop Dogg and weird roommates and music in my dreams. But the anxiety dreams about clients and spreadsheets are fading away, which is a good thing.

2. I've been watching old West Wing episodes lately and I love it. The people are so smart and so dedicated to their jobs and have to "hop to" when their boss wants them to. I can really relate to that and it is a comfort to me. It also makes me want to wear suits more often.

3. I went to a bacherlorette party this week, after a 11 hour work day. It was at a fondue place and it was fun. The bride got some panties but they were cotton briefs that said stuff like "bride" and "who needs mistletoe." I mean, is this what passes for sexy bridal humor in Wisconsin? Do me a favor, if I get married and I have a bachelorette party where you buy me underwear (yikes) please don't buy thongs, but please don't buy me ultra practical underwear. Thank you.

4. No love life to speak of. The weird ebay/Ron Paul supporter/college drop out to be a Christian rock roadie guy randomly called this week and left an overly jolly message. So weird. I probably won't respond. I'm not opposed to online dating, but I'm not quite ready yet. Maybe in the new year.

5. I've got to get ready for a wedding. It's at 3. I have some college friends staying here that are in the wedding, so they aren't here now. I'm just meeting them there. But it should be fun. A coworker is having a party too that I want to stop by later. I hope that works out b/c his friends seem fun. He has a kind of snowboarder roommate who's kind of hot. I wouldn't mind making out with him in the coat closet later.

6. I have to try to fix my horrendous outfit before I go out tonight. Pink dress, gray sweater tights (because jesus, who has their wedding in Wisconsin a week from Christmas and during undergrad finals and when its 20 degrees outside) and turquoise shoes and a rhinestone star necklace. Girl, they can't handle my style in Wisconsin!!!!

The Unfortunate Lugie Incident

So I experienced an odd dream sensation a few nights ago: I hocked a lugie in my sleep. I was dreaming that I had something in my throat like some phlegm or something. I woke myself up and I was sort of like, "uh, did I actually just spit on my pillow?" So I felt around and, yep. Maybe I swallowed a bug? I think this is less gross than peeing the bed, but not by much. I informed Mr. D of this unfortunate lugie incident, and he said he'd bring his goggles next time he visits. Hee. Gotta love that one.

In other news, I have a new pseudo-nemesis. Her nickname is Hairy/Mary. She has extremely hairy eyebrows and she is in my class about the labor market and workers etc etc. She always makes seriously outrageous stereotypical lefty comments, "the capitalists want to just make money and down with the man etc etc," without actually tying the comments to the reading or anything else like a newspaper article or case study or whatever. Then, instead of listening to her peers' response to her ridiculous comments, she checks her bets on the football scores on her computer while they are talking. I know because I was sitting next to her in class. It's sort of dumb to judge what crap people are doing on their computers besides taking notes, but I go ahead and judge within the following hierarchy of appropriateness:
1. Actually taking notes
2. Doing the reading for the class during the class
3. Doing the reading for a different class
4. Checking email (might be actually important)
5. News website or other possibly interesting website or blog
6. Perez Hilton (come on, he's posting some hilarious stuff about Sarah Palin. Sort of relates to #5)
7. Sports (see Hairy/Mary? Not very appropriate!)
8. Porn (never appropriate)

I'll Make Myself Happy Just To Please You

For New Years 2008, Miz M's resolutions are not out of the ordinary. I've been feeling a pull to workout more, and also to improve my diet. I want to lose about 10 pounds in the next couple of months. My jump start? I ate at this raw food place in Chicago with my mom the day before I left town. It's a cool, unpretentious place with great healthy food. Despite that people can get a little over the top in promoting the raw food lifestyle, the energy of the food does seem to be on a higher plane. So I want to cook a few "raw" dishes this next months, or at least use the raw foods idea to inspire me to be more creative with vegetables and eat more vegetables in my diet.

Being back in Chicago made me realize how much I miss the "foodie" opportunities that abound there. Between all the great and creative restaurants, the ethnic grocery stores, and the corner yuppie-foodie stores, you can eat pretty well and pretty interestingly in Chicago within a budget. That was one of my hobbies in Chicago, and it's pretty damn dismal here in North Carolina. My theories were confirmed by two sources (Mr. D's mom and my dad's eccentric Bosnian friend Boz) that the groceries down here are unusually expensive. It's very hard to eat those fresh fruits and veggies on a graduate student budget. One thing that might make me happy is to learn more about Southern cooking while I'm down here. The question is, how do I cook Southern and also try to lose weight? I know and fully support the importance of bacon in these Southern dishes, but that goes against my other goals. Just one more thing to be resolved in 2008... you gotta have something to work on!

I am also going to try to incorporate meditation into my life this year. My goal is to try to meditate for at least 5 minutes each day, maybe more. It sounds simple, but I think it will be hard to stay committed to it. I meditated for 5 minutes yesterday and already remembered a dream last night. In the dream, I was driving a construction crane in order to help my parents solve a legal case. Huh? In the dream I kept saying, "Well, I'm driving a crane but at least I'm outside." You can't pay for entertainment like that.

Anxiety Crane and Notorious B.I.G. of Econ

Last night I slept horribly. I was worrying about my Econ exam today (my first grad school exam, well, quiz - ). I did sleep, but I tossed and turned all night. I kept half-waking up and finding myself in really weird physical poses. Like some tense crane arm position (think: Kung Fu Hustle). And later, with one leg crunched way up and the other leg just out normal (think: Justin Timberlake high-knee step dance move only not dancing).

I woke up knowing I was overly nervous and thus flipping through my iPod to find the proper pick-me-up song before test time. When I hit on Notorious BIG's "Big Poppa," I knew I found my morning jam. On my way to school I imagined myself as the Notorious BIG of Economics. Like, I'd be a really fat dude with lots of dollar bills who drew really accurate supply and demand curves. Unh- babe-a babe-a! Silly and ridiculous, I know, but I'm sure it helped me ace the test.

Friday the 13th - Rehabbed Purple Cars

I slept fitfully last night. You know, one of those nights where you wake up with your shirt twisted around one way, and the sheet twisted around the opposite way? I don't know if I have been watching too much Dr. Who, but my dreams were definitely bordering on the Sci-fi.

In one dream, there was a huge plastic bumblebee that was buzzing around my head. It stuck its big plastic stinger into my forehead to deposit a microchip (?) into my head. I couldn't get the bee to get out of my forehead until I woke up.

In another dream, I went to my landlord's house. In this dream, unlike in real life, he lived in the country. I walked up the driveway to his detached garage and there was a big purple car (from the 70s) that he was rehabbing. There were parts everywhere, and it looked totally obliterated, with parts all over the place. I walked around the garage and there were two more of these purple cars in the yard, both with the parts all over and everywhere. I never found my landlord, just these abandoned cars "in progress."

The Clint Eastwood Factor

Lady Detective

I had a weird dream last night where I left my car at a gas station. I just felt like leaving it. Sometime the next day, I received a ransom note from a stranger trying to extract money for the car. Knowing that it was at a gas station, I went back to the gas station to talk to the attendants to find out if they were trying to blackmail me. When I arrived there, my car had a bunch of tubes and stuff in it. Working at the gas station was a bunch of young guys, kind of sweet and boisterous, and with a little flirtatious conversation I was able to glean that they thought my car was abandoned so they just decided to fix it for practice and because they were bored. Also, because I was so charming, they were going to do it for free. Sweet! I wish that actually happened. I also figured out that some random guy driving by the gas station wrote down the license plate number and had sent me the blackmail note just to see if anything would happen, because he thought the car was abandoned.

Frodo Feet

It doesn't seem to matter what shoes I wear around - flats or heels, sandals or closed-toe shoes - my feet get messed up in the summer. The material of the shoe straps, buckles, or just plain leather rub on the skin of my feet and give me some major blisters which I then cover with several band-aids. It' s terrible! I don't know what to do to prevent this. Go barefoot? Gross!

The Clint Eastwood Factor

I have only seen two movies by Clint Eastwood - "Bridges Over Madison County" and the one where he's a bank robber and voyeur. Both those movies are really, really bad and Clint Eastwood is a really, really bad actor in them. Because of these movies, I hate anything that Clint Eastwood touches. It may be unfair, but I'm judgemental like that. That same factor applies to good, though. After I saw "Ghostdog," I was absolutely interested in anything starring Forrest Whittaker. This type of grudge-holding (positive feelings or negative feelings) does not just apply to movies, but is rather a pattern I see in other areas of my life besides movies. It could be seen as a weakness, but it could also be seen as an old fashioned character trait called "loyalty." Even Clint Eastwood would appreciate that.

Ice Cave

I had a dream last night that I was holed up in an ice cave in Alaska or somewhere with a few people I know through work. We were kind of stranded in the ice cave, but we were making due by burning garbage to keep warm. It started getting too hot, so I went to open the door (huh?) of the ice cave. When I came back to the fire, everyone was in their sleeping bags all, "we're too tired to burn anymore garbage."

Miz M Dreams Again

I had a dream that I was walking in a field with a friend, and I saw a beautiful large tree that swept across the landscape. I said to my friend, "I am going to paint that tree in each season so I can capture how it changes."

Too bad I don't know how to paint or draw.

Then another friend of mine, a six-foot tall woman with red hair who, I must say with no intent of offense, is not very sporty. She was walking across the field towards my friend and I when suddenly she busted into about 5 backflips on her way over to say "what's up." It made the dream very funny and silly.

Thanks for the entertainment, brain! You are way better than watching TV on UPN.

The Unconscious Mind's Veterinarian Who Likes Old Skool Michael Jackson

I had a strange dream last night that I was walking around my neighborhood carrying around a 40-lb dog under my arm, when suddenly her belly swelled because she was going to have puppies. I had to put the dog down and deliver the puppies right there on the street. When I had this dream (in the morning) I was lucid enough to feel irritated thinking: "this is the second dream I had in one night where I had to deliver a dog's puppies. WTF?!?"

I woke up and I realized that if I had to deliver puppies twice in one night, I either missed my calling as a veterinarian, or my unconscious mind is trying to tell me something more symbolic. I think it has to do with a project at work that I'm working on, which requires a lot of analyzing other people's thoughts and synthesizing them to create some new ideas. It's hard mental work! Apparently like delivering a dog's puppies????

I also had another dream last night that I was riding around in someone's car. Michael Jackson's song "Rock With You" was playing and I said, "Haaaay. This is my song."

Dream of Wasp Queen

I had a dream last night that I was up in the attic of a house. There was a woman in the attic who was wearing a white muslin outfit. And she had a turban. There was a wasp or two flying around the attic, and I was dodging and weaving to avoid getting stung. I didn't get stung, but I looked under the cushions of the attic couch and saw many, many opaque wasp eggs waiting to hatch.

Ew! Just thinking about it gives me the willies.

Upon doing an internet search, this dream might mean:

1) That something is "bugging me." Har, har.
2) That I'm haboring angry thoughts.
3) Or, "that enemies will scourge and spitefully villify" me.

I have my fingers crossed that it's not #3!

I tried to find out what Freud would think, but the only search that related both "Freud", "dreams", and "wasps" were the White Anglo Saxon Protestant kind.

Darn.