December Stream of Consciousness

These are excerpts from a letter I wrote to a friend:

1. I love my car. I've been driving it all around town. The first week I had it, I had the first full week of good night's sleep since I moved here. I'm not kidding. I've felt so much anxiety and some of that lifted just from having a car again. I've dreamed about Snoop Dogg and weird roommates and music in my dreams. But the anxiety dreams about clients and spreadsheets are fading away, which is a good thing.

2. I've been watching old West Wing episodes lately and I love it. The people are so smart and so dedicated to their jobs and have to "hop to" when their boss wants them to. I can really relate to that and it is a comfort to me. It also makes me want to wear suits more often.

3. I went to a bacherlorette party this week, after a 11 hour work day. It was at a fondue place and it was fun. The bride got some panties but they were cotton briefs that said stuff like "bride" and "who needs mistletoe." I mean, is this what passes for sexy bridal humor in Wisconsin? Do me a favor, if I get married and I have a bachelorette party where you buy me underwear (yikes) please don't buy thongs, but please don't buy me ultra practical underwear. Thank you.

4. No love life to speak of. The weird ebay/Ron Paul supporter/college drop out to be a Christian rock roadie guy randomly called this week and left an overly jolly message. So weird. I probably won't respond. I'm not opposed to online dating, but I'm not quite ready yet. Maybe in the new year.

5. I've got to get ready for a wedding. It's at 3. I have some college friends staying here that are in the wedding, so they aren't here now. I'm just meeting them there. But it should be fun. A coworker is having a party too that I want to stop by later. I hope that works out b/c his friends seem fun. He has a kind of snowboarder roommate who's kind of hot. I wouldn't mind making out with him in the coat closet later.

6. I have to try to fix my horrendous outfit before I go out tonight. Pink dress, gray sweater tights (because jesus, who has their wedding in Wisconsin a week from Christmas and during undergrad finals and when its 20 degrees outside) and turquoise shoes and a rhinestone star necklace. Girl, they can't handle my style in Wisconsin!!!!

Happy V Love

I received some beautiful flowers from Mr. D yesterday! They are gorgeous and smell amazing. He's a good man and a good boyfriend.

I also received another Valentine from one of my aunts, AJ. She sent me a book, "Cold Sassy Tree." I've been on a Southern fiction kick so I'm looking forward to reading it. It was such a thoughtful gift and I loved getting it in the mail!

Currently, I'm reading, "The Heart is a Lonely Hunter." I can say at the half-way point that I'm enjoying it. I like the characters alright, and I like the setting with mill workers and the carnival and the local restaurant. I try to read a little before bed and I've been waking up for a time in the middle of the night where sometimes I read a few pages.

In other blessings, I've had a couple late-blooming friendships in graduate school this semester. I finally found a running buddy! My friend A* is a perfect running friend because she pushes my pace and I push her endurance. We have great conversations on our runs and I think she is very positive about health and I'm enjoying having her help as a motivator in that area of my life. She showed me a local park with a beautiful river running through it - an energizing run no doubt. I also have another newish friend who is someone to share foodie stuff with (rare in these parts). She's introduced me to Trader Joe's pizza crusts and a great raw kale salad. This friend has really delighted me so far - she's interesting AND nice and I've really had fun spending time with her!

Back to the Future

As I sit down for a night of studying tonight, I feel like a younger version of myself.

Probably because I just worked out to a Cindy Crawford video from 1993, I study all the time, and I have no money. Yes - it IS like being back in college!

Now that I'm getting the hang of graduate school, I'm finding more "balance" with my schedule. What this actually means is that I'm studying more and watching less back-episodes of "Six Feet Under." But this new "balance" also means that I'm finding time to eat healthier, exercise a few times a week, and live within a shoestring budget. And I think a lot too.

I am pursing my graduate degree so that I can have an interesting job and get paid a lot better than when I came into school. I am learning so much in my classes, and I'm also finding time to dream about things I'm interested in, or jobs I might like to have. The other thing that I'm finding refreshing about school is that there is more freedom to take risks that is not usually allowed in the working world. But, it's more fun because I appreciate it more than I did when I was younger. I am more bold now, because I have more experience to draw on; yet, I am very much still exploring.

Anyway...

Mr. D is coming to visit this weekend, and I am so excited. We haven't seen each other in 2 months. Though we have kept our friendship very loving and supportive and full of humor, it is going to be so, so good to have a conversation face-to-face, to hug each other, to have dinner together. I want to make him pancakes. And steak. And try to tickle him. Whatever!

Wig Date

I found this note that I wrote to a friend in 2005 when I was cleaning out my email box. This is the kind of stuff I always forget to write in my journal, as I'm usually journaling out my own romantic angst or whatever. I love finding these little tidbits of stories that belong to someone else, but that I have forgotten about. Enjoy!
------------------------
8/23/2005
"I talked to my college friend Liz. Apparently she went on a blind date recently where this guy suggested that they wear wigs when they met. She wore a red bob, he wore a Rod Stewart number. After they met, they switched wigs and wore them to the restaurant. She, however, insisted to take hers off before going in. Hilarious!"

Pre-Valentines Maintenance

I had a friend who used to say that if you weren't dating anyone by November in Chicago, you were destined not to have sex with anyone new until the spring. A proscription most likely based on the double barbs of both winter weight and winter pastiness/ashiness.

Even so, those with new relationships, or the hopes of finding a new relation this time of year, still try in vain to maintain a level of physical decency during the winter months. Some daily moisturizing and weekly exfoliating can help with the pastiness. Minimal trips to the gym, or at least periodic sessions with a home yoga tape in between Doritos snacking can help with the winter weight. A few other things can help entice - a warm apartment (I'm talking radiators popping, "does it feel tropical in here so let's get naked?" hot) and clean luxurious sheets. Why not hedge your bets against the winter working against you?

All this advice is to stoke some hope in those couting down the next 20 days with dread -

And, if the physical maintenance fails, there's always this.

PJ Reclamation

So I think that the statute of limitations has expired on this story, which makes it okay to blog...

I went out with a guy for awhile last year, long enough to leave some pajamas at his house. Come to think of it, I left the pajamas at his house (I asked if it was okay), but the next weekend, he broke it off. Maybe there is some connection...? Anyway, I made sure that they were not my most favorite pajamas just in case something went terribly awry and they were to be lost, but I thought I'd at least make an effort to get them back.

It turned out that the weekend following the break-up, I was a few blocks from this guy's house to go to a craft fair with some girlfriends. I thought, "Perfect. I'll even have reinforcements - crafting chicks - to soothe the awkwardness and get my PJs back lickety-split." So I called dude, which of course went to automatically voicemail, and left a message like:

"Um, HI! I'm in your neighborhood for a CRAFT FAIR with some friends. And I thought that, you know, since I HAPPEN to be RIGHT HERE, that I could just pick up my pajamas from your house. That is, if you aren't in Mexico* this weekend. COOL. BYE!"

No matter what, calling someone who just broke up with you ultimately makes you sound slightly crazy. However, I had the moral support of my married crafting friends at the time, who got a huge vicarious kick out of the whole situation. Unfortunately, they were not with me when I retrieved the pajamas at lunchtime later that week.

*One of the reasons this dude broke it off with me was that I couldn't 'financially' go to Mexico at the drop of a hat. However, he did not go to Mexico that weekend because he didn't have his passport. So actually, I was better positioned to go to Mexico at the time than he was. I'm just saying!

A Word to the Wise, Young, Single Men Out There...

Don't take this the wrong way...

Well, let me specify that this is not directed to anyone in particular, (you know, it's NOT one of those passive-aggressive blog posts favored by the tech-savvy hipsters to communicate frustration with each other) but rather a trend I've noticed in my dating travels about single men in their 20s and 30s. In fact, I'm seriously concerned about the straight men of my generation! I've met some awesome guys this year. Guys who I definitely appreciate more now than I would have 5 years ago - they are funny, smart, kind, have stable jobs, interesting ambitions, etc. etc. Only, they need to lose about 20-30 lbs., and stop smoking!

Since so many people are single longer, there is a different kind of responsibility for a person living alone to take care of their own health. Not to say that just because people are married or in a couple that they necessarily take better care of themselves. But, unlike other demographics, most straight guys do not face the same pressures as women or gay men to keep their looks and health together. (And don't even start about the "metrosexual" thing. That's bullshit and affects about 2% of the population - all stockbrokers or whatever.)

But, I'm talking about that guy who has all his hair, and is a bit of a diamond "in the rough" because of his weight. Maybe the guy has been single for awhile, had a few bad relationships, or are a little shy around the ladies. So, they kind of "give up" about their appearance. Or they don't want to do the hairless, prettyboy thing, which, thank god! But boys, that doesn't mean you should let it go all together! Get to the gym! Eat some veggies! It's genetics, fellas! Take better care of your health and the gals will come to you!

Jobim's Magic Number

Against my better judgement, I must post about my awesome date last night! I went out with a kind man, and a good dancer to boot! Yo, I don't want to sound egotistical, but it is hard to find a guy that can match me on the dance floor. I'm usually happy if the guy will go out on the dance floor at all. Seriously! But, with a nice dinner and a little Brazilian Jobim tribute music, a little magic can happen. Hee!

It's Thanksgiving; time to give thanks for small favors.

Sometimes I feel despondent about not being all snuggly in a couple (see previous post.)

However, yesterday I realized that things could be worse.

At the gym, there was a young woman a few elllipticals machines away from me. She was obviously there with her fella - a guy who was jogging, but mostly walking around the track. Each time he came around the track (maybe 15 times) he would clap and say rather loudly, "Doing good, hon! You're doing great!" (Clap! Clap!)

How obnoxious! And how patronizing. I mean, she's working out on a machine for 20 minutes, not giving birth! Does she really need that much encouragement? I was embarrassed on her behalf.

How to Break Up With Your Man - Holiday Edition

It's Thanksgiving week, which means the depressing holidays are here. I'm not saying that all holidays are depressing, but some of the obligatory social events can be rather unpalatable, especially as a single woman of a certain age. I was talking with some guy friends at lunch about it today - one married, two in LTRs - and complaining about our work Christmas party.

The place where I work is small - maybe 10 people - and all but 2 are married. In past years, we had a jolly lunch with our colleagues, and then cut out early in the afternoon. This year, a coworker is hosting a Christmas dinner party on Friday night at his/her home. There are several things wrong with this scenario:

1) it does not occur during work hours
2) it implies a much longer time obligation
3) significant others/spouses are invited*

"Well, surely you can bring a guest?" my friends inquired.

I could bring a guest. But, let's face it, is there a faster road to getting dumped than to take a fledging love interest to a work Christmas party? "Hi, everyone. This is Frank. We met online last week on Match.com? He likes traveling, and dog-racing. I think we're meant to be!" Attendance at the office Christmas party definitely requires some kind of pre-determined loyalty, and also probably an agreement of reciprocity that you must attend the other person's Christmas party too. And, you probably owe the person a phat-ass Christmas gift.

For this year's party, I'm considering following in the footsteps of Borat, and perhaps inviting a male escort as my guest. "Hey, ya'll, this is my guy Tito. Oh, you haven't heard me talk about him. Um, isn't he hot and muscular?" At least that would keep it interesting.

*Although, I think the party would actually be better if all the spouses attended. I really like all of my coworkers' spouses. It's purely for selfish reasons of not being part of a couple.

Love, the Old Fashioned Way

As I was leaving my office building yesterday, I saw a note taped to the revolving door. The note was addressed, in green marker, to "the girl who likes mopeds." Awww. I was excited for the possibility of romance for the girl who likes mopeds and her admirer, the green marker avenger. In the world of internet dating and "missed connections," seeing a simple love note was truly refreshing!

What are YOU passionate about?

In the past 6 months, I have had been going out a lot and meeting a lot of people. During this time at least three men have asked me "So, what are you passionate about?" as a pick-up line. This has started to become my conversational pet peeve.

The concept is good; who doesn't love to talk about themselves?
But it is a conversational dead end when there is a 90% chance that we will never see each other again.

I try to say something surprising and non-personal when asked this question in the hope of rescuing the conversation from the throes of death. During the speed dating, when asked this question I said, "I'm passionate about water. I just love water," because I was really scared of that super-duper long-haired medieval guy and trying to keep the three minutes as impersonal as possible.

Last weekend, after "What are you passionate about?" did not solicit a response, another guy tried this variation: "If you could do anything you wanted to do tomorrow, what would it be?"

When I said, "pack up a suitcase, travel to a tropical island, and sit on a beach all day overlooking the ocean," that did not seem to be *good enough* for my suitor.

"What would you do the next day?" he asked.

"Hmm. I'd probably do that same thing for about two weeks," I said.

And this was an obvious disappointment to this guy. Was he looking for me to say something like, "I want to solve the world's problems and I'm going to start by traveling to Africa and distributing condoms for HIV prevention."

If you're going to judge my answer to a stupid-ass line like that, why ask?

Guys, maybe you could talk about something that you're passionate about, and ask me some related questions to find out if I'm passionate about that too. Or, I don't know... talk about movies or books can at least lead to some subject matter worthy of a passionate discussion.

Speed Dating?

I went speed dating last weekend.

Here are the highlights:

• I met over 20 guys from many different countries, from many different regions of the US, and from many different ethnic groups. Each "predate" was 3 minutes long, and I'm happy to report to the ladies that the majority of the eligible guys were totally fun to talk to and not unattractive.
  
• There were only 3 guys that I talked to who I would consider "oddballs," slightly frightening, who made a bad impression in our three minutes of heaven predate. Three out of 25? If those odds can be applied to the general public, those are pretty good odds!
  
• The most *unique* complement I received was that my teeth are "very-well aligned." Is saying, "You have a great smile," so hard???

Speed dating is a fun weekend activity to do with your single friends. But speed dating is not for the faint-hearted or self-conscious, and I think it's unlikely to generate a date. In addition, trying to charm all those fellas left my charms depleted for two long days!

See the kind-of funny Wikipedia definition of speed dating here. Make sure to read the theory about "sniffing out" a mate. Ew.