R.I.P. U.P.N., The Network That Is Not the Worst

I don't have cable.

While I enjoy watching television, having cable is not mandatory in Chicago if you are an open-minded t.v. watcher and live in an upper floor apartment. You get all the major networks - ABC, NBC, CBS, FOX - and the minor networks - WB, UPN. There is also two public television channels, and several culturally specific channels - two Asian channels, one that plays Bollywood music videos on weekend, one that plays Polish news and Polish music videos in the evening. The variety is certainly entertaining when one is in the mood for channel surfing.

Before this summer, however, I did most of my "whole show watching" on the WB network, followed with a close second by shows on UPN. And UPN shows were not that good. Imagine my dismay when the two networks merged into the CW network, essentially halving my t.v. show watching opportunities.

The CW network has yet to roll out its new fall programming, but in the meantime, channel 50 has dropped into a television abyss. I thought the old shows on U.P.N. were sort of the worst they could be (excepting the fabulous Veronica Mars.) But U.P.N. was a good back-up. Now, "My Channel 50" has the absolute worst bullshit programming that could possibly be imagined.
They pretty much have two shows: "Fashion House" and "Desire," which they play every night in the 7 p.m. - 9 p.m. time slot. Both of these shows suck. "Fashion House" stretches 5 minutes of story and 20 seconds of women joylessly slapping each other into each 1-hour episode. The rest of the time is filled with choppy scenes of people taking shots, black-and-white stills of Bo Derek arching her eyebrow, and self-referential flashbacks to the current episode throughout the episode.

But at least the guys are hot. I can't even watch "Desire."

I didn't think the programming on channel 50 could get any worse, but I was wrong. So I say to you: R.I.P. U.P.N. I'm sorry I took you for granted.