When Life Moves Too Fast to Worry

I felt remembered on my birthday this past Sunday by family and friends. Though I almost forgot to spend much time on reflection as I spent two days of my birthday traveling through two time zones (does that mean I'm 30 instead of 29 since I lived through March 16th twice?) on my way back from Thailand. The proceeding few days was spent feeling jet lagged and too distracted for reflection on my birthday.

Overall though, it was a birthday on the end of a truly amazing vacation. Maybe the best vacation of my life so far because it had all elements you'd want on a vacation (except a beach). It had family, friends, an exotic location, new experiences, beautiful souvenirs, relaxing massage, good conversations, and great food. I finally got to try a durian fruit, which has been one of my dreams for 5 years. It was good good good to accomplish a dream, and the fruit had an interesting flavor with a stinky kind of aftertaste that got into the nose/sinuses. It was a unique as I hoped.

Grapefruit Gummies and Calc-u-hell

I've been in the depths of calc-u-hell for the past two days since I've been trying to finish a problem set for a class that's way above my head. It's one of those, "I just need to turn something in" type classes, and even with that, I've spent over 10 hours, only done half, and it's still probably wrong. Calc-u-hell.

What makes it all surreal is that I leave for Thailand in five days. I'm going with my mom to see some family, and to see my best bud who lives over there. Her request for American treats: grapefruit gummies and Wheat Thins.

Last week, I traveled to Charlotte to sit with Mr. D in the airport for a few hours. He was on his way back from Jamaica, and we just sat and talked and hugged and drank coffee. It felt like stolen time and it was lovely, definitely the most fun two hours I've ever spent in an airport.

Also, one of my new Southern friends punched a guy in the lip; another new friend bit a guy on the cheek. This was supposedly all in the context of flirting. I'm not going to insult the Southerners by implying that this is how they do things down here. These attempts weren't successful at getting a number or landing a man. I guess my consolation is that though they may look put together, these gals are still a little rough around the edges...

Party Street

So I live on a "party street." About once every other weekend, some big house full of dudes throws a huge kegger. Two days later, there's about 40 trash bags full of red cups and chip bags and panties sitting on the curb. (Okay, they aren't full of panties, but I thought that sounded kind of funny.) The dudes usually make some noise on the street, but my apartment is kind of set back so it never bothers me.

Currently, though, I'm working on a presentation and a take home mid-term for next week in my apartment. (I will also note that it is 5 p.m. on Sunday night.) I keep hearing these silly cheers, almost like on a movie or TV show about frat parties. The guys: "Oooooooooh!!!" and the girls: "Whooooooooooooo!" then the guys: "Ooooooooh!!!" and the girls: "Whooooooo!" Am I somehow in the TV show too? Peeking through the curtains like, "Oh you crazy kids. Don't walk on that slackline while trying to drink a beer and play the beanbag game."

"Oooooooooh"
"Whoooooooooo!"

That About Says It...

I like to read my horoscope every day. Today, it summed up my deeper feelings of late...

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You tend to be even more compassionate these days, yet in an oddly detached manner. Fortunately, this intellectual separateness allows you to feel even more, for you are less concerned now about losing yourself in someone else's pain because of your tenderheartedness. Accept the fact that you cannot save the whole world. You can certainly help some deserving people along the way, however. (By Rick Levine.)

"Winter Flip-Flops"?

And...a surprise from the Southerners! Their reaction to cold weather has thusly confounded me. It has been dipping down into the 20s and 30s the past few weeks and I have expected an outright tirade against the cold. But no! I have not heard the depth of complaining that my cohorts in Chicago would surely entertain.

Some people do seem to wear heavier-than-usual coats around here, but even more people seem to be in total denial about the colder weather. Many people still do not wear coats and no one wears hats. It's like it is not in their vocabulary or consciousness! Some people just throw on a flannel and consider themselves good-to-go. One girl told me that she switched from her summer flip-flops to her "winter flip-flops" aka those clog-type shoes. (They qualify as flip-flops because they don't tie, I guess?) I've even noticed that many of the children don't have actual winter coats. Rather, the parents just tuck the child or children into their lapel of their flannel or whatever and run out to the car real quick.

The Invisible Hand Is Gonna Knock You Out

I find myself in class sometimes trying to suppress boredom. I usually do this in one of two ways - cultivate controversy or cultivate apathy. Since it is the beginning of the semester, I've been choosing to cultivate controversy. Today, I said in class, "Well, I don't believe in totally free markets." I mean, how smug and fluffy is that?

I also told a story that I heard on the radio about a Muslim woman speaking out AGAINST cultural tolerance in European societies because it allows for extremist Muslim societies to practice oppression of women behind closed doors. I thought it was an interesting discussion point to wrap one's head around. But, I also hoped it might piss somebody off. Make this fun for me, people! Can I get a rise outta your tired asses?!?

Still, I admit that these comments could have been made with a little more sophistication.

I have a deep-seeded fear that I really annoy my classmates with these type of comments. On the other hand, I don't take myself too seriously either. However, there is a Spanish woman in my class, and she takes that shit SERIOUS! Our teacher was explaining an economics concept and she was all, "this doesn't make sense?! does that make sense?!" and it was kind of aggressive. And I was all, girl, you need to chill out on confronting the teacher. He's no Adam Smith! That invisible hand is gonna knock you out!

Boom Goes My Diet-Namite

I'm still on the cooking tip and today I made a whole wheat pasta with lima and green beans and a bastardized pesto sauce. I guess it was a pesto sauce good for winter in that it did not require ole sturdy basil that can often be unavailable during this time. Bastardized pesto sauce contained:

• olive oil
• fresh garlic
• chopped parsley
• anchovies
• capers
• lemon zest
• lemon juice

And it was pretty damn good.

Miz M's brother came a'visiting this weekend. We had a great time. I took him out for some bodacious pulled pork BBQ, biscuits and gravy, and my favorite country ham. Needless to say, boom goes my diet-namite.

For the most part though, we just hung out. I did my homework in the mornings while he slept in, we ate good food, watched a lot of TV, and made fun of each other. It was a blast.

Retirement in Toyko

My friend in Japan sent me this photo. I thought you'd enjoy it too, dear readers.


I've been thinking that Mr. D has been up to something. Developing a slots business in Toyko came as a surprise!

Curry Couscous

I made some Israeli couscous today with red onions, yellow zucchini, mushrooms, curry powder, raisins, salt, chicken, and fresh mint. I made it up and it was totally tasty and I'm taking it for my lunch for the next two days.

Deeper Than Doughnuts

Have you ever noticed that a day can have a theme? It might be a random theme like doughnuts or something. Like, no matter where you go, people are always discussing doughnuts or eating doughnuts or wearing some hipster t-shirt with a doughnut on it. But sometimes, a theme that emerges out of a day can be more meaningful. Let me explain:

Today started out with a phone call from a friend who is at a prestigious medical school and who has decided that she will be a psychiatrist. And she's going to be damn good at it. She was helping me think through a personal problem, and I found her insights to be very helpful. Later in the day, I heard a radio program with an expert on ADD and ADHD who is actually a teacher at her medical school. While I don't have ADD, I still found his discussion of the benefits of exercise for the brain, and how meditation can be AS EFFECTIVE AS MEDICATION for people with ADD, to be interesting and applicable outside of ADD in particular. He also discussed a term "biofeedback," which caused a mad search online to figure out what it was, which led to reading about the medical benefits of meditation on the Mayo Clinic website. And so on, I found a link to this website www.worldprayers.org through the Mayo Clinic website. Which generated this beautiful random prayer:

For as long as space endures
And for as long as living beings remain
Until then may I too abide
To dispel the misery of the world.

the way of the bodhisattva - shantideva - 8th century

It's pretty deep that there were some people praying this prayer for, presumably, us, way back in the 8th century. I find that comforting and inspiring.

I'll Make Myself Happy Just To Please You

For New Years 2008, Miz M's resolutions are not out of the ordinary. I've been feeling a pull to workout more, and also to improve my diet. I want to lose about 10 pounds in the next couple of months. My jump start? I ate at this raw food place in Chicago with my mom the day before I left town. It's a cool, unpretentious place with great healthy food. Despite that people can get a little over the top in promoting the raw food lifestyle, the energy of the food does seem to be on a higher plane. So I want to cook a few "raw" dishes this next months, or at least use the raw foods idea to inspire me to be more creative with vegetables and eat more vegetables in my diet.

Being back in Chicago made me realize how much I miss the "foodie" opportunities that abound there. Between all the great and creative restaurants, the ethnic grocery stores, and the corner yuppie-foodie stores, you can eat pretty well and pretty interestingly in Chicago within a budget. That was one of my hobbies in Chicago, and it's pretty damn dismal here in North Carolina. My theories were confirmed by two sources (Mr. D's mom and my dad's eccentric Bosnian friend Boz) that the groceries down here are unusually expensive. It's very hard to eat those fresh fruits and veggies on a graduate student budget. One thing that might make me happy is to learn more about Southern cooking while I'm down here. The question is, how do I cook Southern and also try to lose weight? I know and fully support the importance of bacon in these Southern dishes, but that goes against my other goals. Just one more thing to be resolved in 2008... you gotta have something to work on!

I am also going to try to incorporate meditation into my life this year. My goal is to try to meditate for at least 5 minutes each day, maybe more. It sounds simple, but I think it will be hard to stay committed to it. I meditated for 5 minutes yesterday and already remembered a dream last night. In the dream, I was driving a construction crane in order to help my parents solve a legal case. Huh? In the dream I kept saying, "Well, I'm driving a crane but at least I'm outside." You can't pay for entertainment like that.

Just Like That...

And just like that, I'm back in the middle of a snowstorm in Chicago.

The weirdest thing I saw in my travels was a lady at the airport in Chicago who was wearing a fur coat. She was in the baggage claim area and pushing one of those luggage carts that was empty except for another fur coat. I ask you, who travels with only the fur coat on her back with her other fur coat as a carry-on?

Despite the abundance of fur coats, it does feel good to be back in Chi-city. Today, I was riding the Red Line train past Wrigley Field. I realized that I must've been homesick, since a fugly-ass billboard of a giant Chicago hot dog shoved into a baseball glove made me bust into a smile. And that's not normal. But I'll take it.

This week is filled with parties and meet-ups with friends and Mr. D. I'll do some Christmas window shopping and wandering around the city during the day. Have brunch with my brother tomorrow and maybe read some books. Tomorrow night is a carolling party with festive cider-rum. Oh, it's good to be home!

Gift Baskets Are Creepy

So I did some Christmas-y errands today, and part of those errands was looking for a Christmas present for my mom. She grew up in North Carolina, so I thought I might go with the theme for her present this year. I looked at some Southern cookbooks, which were lovely, but she already has more cookbooks than she needs for her entire lifetime.

So my next thought was to go straight to the source: a huge gourmet grocery store that is based in North Carolina. This store, coincidentally, specializes in those gift baskets that people give out during the holidays. So I tried to unearth some NC treasures at this store, but I got temporary blindsided by the overwhelming creepiness of all the types of Christmas gift baskets. The gobs of crinkled plastic. The tins of nasty cashews. The impersonal chocolate bars. The jars of muscadine preserves. Why are pre-made gift baskets filled with the most inedible materials ever created?

So then I thought that I might make my own basket of hand-selected foods from North Carolina. Much more personal, much less plastic. Let's see...North Carolina tea leaves for sweet tea, um, some Cackalacky hot sauce, um... North Carolina Cheese Straws?!? Ick! Nevermind, that's back to creepy. Do y'all sell T-shirts?

Odds and Ends from NC

Today I walked over to the university arboretum and spread out a blanket by a big old North Carolina tree. It was in the 70s, and though it was unseasonably warm, I savored an afternoon of the slow pace of life down here that everyone talks about. I sat in the sun and read some back issues of the New Yorker, soaking up months of culture that I had missed when my reading list was solely based on urban planning. Yep, three of four classes are now done for the semester.

After a few hours of reading, I drove over to a local coffee shop where I sort-of avoided getting hit on by some 60-year-old dude who was wearing some kind of cyclist windbreaker unzipped so that his gray chest hair poked out of it. He made conversation with me about the beautiful looking fruit tarts:

Him: Are you going to have a tart?
Me: Nope. (Pause) Just coffee.
Him: Oh! Good discipline. I really have motivation not to eat one either.
Me: Uh, yeah.
Him: I just had two apples and a piece of cheese for lunch.
Me: (Silence)

After that, I came home and watched some old videos on YouTube. Josephine Baker, Russian Ballet from the 70s, the new exhibit of Kara Walker's art at the Whitney in New York. You can really find anything you want to see on there. I guess it goes to show that I can only complain to a degree about being culturally isolated down here. To the degree of a 2" x 3" online video of about 5 minutes in length on almost any cultural topic in the world.

Also, I went to the "Short Circuit Traveling Film Festival" last week. It was a series of short films made by filmmakers of the Southeast US and it was really fun. My favorite short was called "The Language of Limbs: A Documentary on the Agrifolk Art Movement." It was hilarious and clever and southern. You can view a portion of it here.

"Love Noises"

So, this is totally gross. Gramma, if you're reading this, you might want to stop here.

But, for a few weeks now, I have been hearing my neighbor's "love noises." Or, to be more specific, his girlfriend's. Most sexologists (?) talk about how couples have a routine in the bedroom. I'm here to tell you that this is true. And I wish I didn't know.

While living the apartment lifestyle, it is likely that you will hear someone's "love noises" at some point or another - your roommate's, your neighbor's - and like me, you'll probably wish you hadn't.

I have puzzled over how to deal with this problem, and I have thought of only one very passive-aggressive solution. I guess I could rent a few pornos and put them on the TV at full volume, and leave the house for several hours. It's just an idea.

Halloween and Squinty Eye

I was a tennis player for Halloween. A blonde tennis player, like Anna Kournikova. As part of my costume I said, "I model now." This picture is of my friend Megan and I. She went as a Christmas tree. We took this picture because we said that we both sometimes take pictures where one eye is slightly closed. My squinty eye is my left eye. Her squinty eye is her right eye.

In this picture, I borrowed Colonel Sander's mustache. But I had to give it back. These things happen on Halloween.

You Gonna Eat That Pickle?! An "Aha! Moment"

I went out to lunch with some classmates yesterday. We went to a pizza slice place, and one girl ordered a slice with tomatoes, spinach, and onions. She spent some time picking the onions off her pizza and a guy (originally from Milwaukee) said, "Are you going to eat those?"
"No," she said, "Go to town."And then he put all the onions on his slice and took a bite.

"I feel like that's a Midwest thing," I said, as he rearranged the onions on his slice of pizza.

"Me too," he said. "I always eat off my friends' plates at home. I always know who is not going to eat their pickle. Then I eat it."

"I do that too!" I exclaimed.

Some of our Southern classmates agreed that eating off someone's plate was, perhaps, a Midwestern cultural thing. Some people said that in the South, "you always clean your plate." I guess the equivalent saying in the Midwest would be, "You always clean your plate, and offer to clean your neighbor's plate too."

Hippie-Ohs

Last night I bailed out of a big U sports event and randomly ran into a gal in my class who I think is pretty cool. She is more into the "alternative" scene here, and by that I mean the bike shop/organic farms type of thing. And sure 'nuff she invited me to an outdoor projected movie at the back alley bike shop of her friends. So, it was a kind of great and unique scene people-wise and I was excited to see another side of the town.

Unfortunately, my friend had to leave to catch the last bus to a neighboring town where she lives. So I was kind of left with some people I didn't know, watching a horrible torture scene in a...um... unique... mountain bike slasher flick. I had brought some Oreos thinking that it would be a hit (and help me make some friends) to share some cookies. Only, I found out that the bike community here also wasn't like the ones at home.

The bike messenger and bike shop kids that I knew in the Midwest were kind of grubby (okay, same), had alternative politics (same), and went dumpster diving (not same). When I passed around the bag of Oreos, the girls refused to eat any (frown), and some guy said, "Oh, these are real Oreos. They don't even sell these at the Co-op. They sell 'Hippie-oes.'"

I mean, he ate one and everything. Maybe even two.

But I thought, um..., really? These kids buy organic Oreos at the Hippie Co-op??? I mean, (1) aren't they expensive? and (2) why would you ever buy organic fake Oreos? Oh, and (3) is it really that rare that someone would bring preservative-ladden Oreos to one of their (OUTDOOR bike messenger slasher) parties?

Even "alternative" Southern culture is more puzzling that I even imagined.

Back to the Future

As I sit down for a night of studying tonight, I feel like a younger version of myself.

Probably because I just worked out to a Cindy Crawford video from 1993, I study all the time, and I have no money. Yes - it IS like being back in college!

Now that I'm getting the hang of graduate school, I'm finding more "balance" with my schedule. What this actually means is that I'm studying more and watching less back-episodes of "Six Feet Under." But this new "balance" also means that I'm finding time to eat healthier, exercise a few times a week, and live within a shoestring budget. And I think a lot too.

I am pursing my graduate degree so that I can have an interesting job and get paid a lot better than when I came into school. I am learning so much in my classes, and I'm also finding time to dream about things I'm interested in, or jobs I might like to have. The other thing that I'm finding refreshing about school is that there is more freedom to take risks that is not usually allowed in the working world. But, it's more fun because I appreciate it more than I did when I was younger. I am more bold now, because I have more experience to draw on; yet, I am very much still exploring.

Anyway...

Mr. D is coming to visit this weekend, and I am so excited. We haven't seen each other in 2 months. Though we have kept our friendship very loving and supportive and full of humor, it is going to be so, so good to have a conversation face-to-face, to hug each other, to have dinner together. I want to make him pancakes. And steak. And try to tickle him. Whatever!

And Another Thing...

One more weird thing about North Carolina: the men here don't finish your ice cream for you when you can't finish it. All the men in my life in Chicago - my dad, my brother, Mr. D - would all have at least taken a whack at the remainder of my unfinished M&M blizzard.